ice cream for one

let me paint a picture for you. this picture would be titled: my friday night. i spent a large portion of my day away from work, and as often when i'm not working, alone. this doesn't bother me. the older i've gotten, i've found that i enjoy the independence, the time to think, absorb myself in music, or get lost in a book or tv show. the perks include always getting to do what i want to do, when i want to do it. really, there's no downside. at any rate, so, as it was a lovely day out (after a week of cold and rain), i thought i'd take advantage of what could be my last afternoon of sunlight for awhile and go walking on a walking path about twenty minutes from where i live. so, i go about my merry business, plug in the ipod, take it slow, just walking, enjoying the weather. a little over an hour later, i'm like, i could go for some food. there's a quizno's down the block, so i grab a grinder (oh, east coast...), sit at the bar by the window and eat my grinder. then i walk down the block, a cute little very italian block, with lots of italian restaurants and outdoor seating, and can't help but note that i've stumbled into date night. every table is a couple, which, i suppose, makes sense as it is dinner time on a friday night. regardless, i continue to stroll on my merry way. i spy an ice cream parlor and decide to go in, order a small cone. i do this, the girl gives me the largest cone of ice cream of my life. not one to complain, as i do love ice cream, i take it and go sit on a park bench outside. in the span of the 20 minutes that i sat there, the only people who passed me: couples. and every single set looked at me with judgment. what is a 20-something girl doing by herself on a friday night, sitting solo on a park bench here on romance road, eating the largest ice cream cone that man has ever made? and despite the fact that i am so used to and so comfortable spending time solo, something about being out there for all to see and judge just shook me. and i thought realistically, this could still be me in ten years, twenty years, fifty years down the road. at what point would it be okay with everyone for a girl to sit solo enjoying an ice cream cone on a park bench on a friday evening?

i chose this profession and so for as long as i choose to keep it, i am married to it. i love it so, but then there are the rare friday nights where you are by yourself, eating an ice cream cone on one end of an empty bench while love blooms for all around. a marriage where your spouse doesn't go out to eat with you, go for walks with you, go to concerts or on picnics or grocery shopping. a marriage where the other half of the bed is empty. for now, this is what i choose. and i'm okay with that. so i hope you can be too.