decisions then, results now.

This is just one of those isn't-it-crazy-how-I-got-here posts. Basically, I was thinking, what got me into theatre? First, I danced. When I was going into first grade, we moved. I started all over at a new school, having only done it a year prior. For an extremely shy kid, to do it all over was terribly difficult. When I started second grade, my mom thought maybe dance would help me to be less shy or to make more friends (not that I didn't make friends in first grade, but still) or something. So she took me to sign up for dance, where I met Kathy, one of my teachers, who told me I had the perfect legs to dance (at 8! Who knew!), something that I have never thought to question since that day, because who would just say that to an 8-year-old? No one. IT MUST BE TRUE.

Anywho, fast forward to freshman year of high school. Still dancing, on the drill team, yada yada. One of my best friends convinces me I should audition for the musical. I do, terrified, do a horrendous job, and don't make it (to this day, thank you dad for going with me to brave the cast list results). How utterly disheartening. Regardless, this somehow started a curiosity and interest in participating in theatre. So for that, I have to thank a girl I no longer talk to. I digress.

After that musical, I saw all the shows, sometimes would go into the theatre and watch a minute or two of other rehearsals throughout the year. My sophomore year, I auditioned again and made it. Thus began the bloom of friendships that my teen years thrived upon, some of the best and brightest and funniest and full-hearted people I have ever known, who filled me with joy and love and confidence and laughter. The fact that I am still in theatre is owed entirely to them.

As, I had a choice once to give it up. End of junior year, I ran for the officer board. There were ten spots and I tied with one other girl for the last spot. Our teacher made the final vote, and since the other girl had already been on the board the year before (and perhaps for other reason as well that I'll never know), she chose her. And that absolutely flat out broke my heart. I spent a long summer trying to figure out if I still wanted to do theatre, as that was a tragic hit to my self-confidence, and now, looking back, probably a complete destroying of my relationship to my teacher, as at 17, she voted against me. I think I see it as more profound now then I did at the time, but my god, as a teenager, for someone who is supposed to help you and support you and build you up and teach you and make you a better person and belief in you- to vote against you, to say you are unworthy or not good enough- holy crap. How much more opposite of what you're trying to do with your position in my life could you be going by being the person to make that sort of decision?

But back to the amazing people that I could never give up. Ten people on that board. Two were the boys who reassured all of my teenage fears by showing me they had the exact same ones, by showing me what I was going through was what we were all going through. By holding my hand, by making me laugh when I cried, by making me cry from laughing so hard. One of them knew I still wanted to be on that board, and while going through his own stuff, didn't want to be on it anymore, so two-thirds of the way through the year, he resigned his position- to me. And he and the other nine officers made me my own officer ceremony, with official words and lights of cell phones in lieu of candles. Ten people did this for me. Ten people found me worthy.

I may be over-dramatizing the whole thing quite a lot, but it is because of those ten people and several more I met in that department that I am who I am and where I am today. They touched my heart and had a profound impact on my life and shared my passion and drive for theatre. They are people that are not easily forgotten, even when I live thousands of miles away from all of them. There is a love and a respect and feeling of gratitude that will never go away. They are fantastic human beings and no matter where we go in live and how far geography may separate us, there was a time when all of our hearts worked as one and for that, I am forever humbled to have been a part of something so special and it is why I continue to strive to work so hard at what I do and who I am today. So thank you, my loves, for sharing you with me. All my love to you.

X's and O's, Peace and Love.