Remember when you were a kid and your mom or dad would be leaving to go somewhere and leave you home alone but they said if someone called, not to tell that person that you were home alone, so tell them your mom or dad was in the shower or something? Well, I was terrible at that lie. I'm terrible at every lie, but I look back on what should be the simplest of lies and remember a stuttering, stumbling 7-year-old going "Oh, uh, um, my, uh, she's, um, I think she's in the shower?" And yet, however many odd years later, here I am in theatre, still incapable of telling the smallest white lie. They're just not my style. I will avoid the truth, but if you ask me point blank, I just can't lie.
I found in talking to one of the questioners (see back entries) that as all those life questions get thrown out like it's the weather, I skirt all around, with ums and ohs and shrugs and nods. If there's a question I don't know the answer to, I'm completely and utterly speechless.
But you're taking the time to read my blog, so here's some truths about me I do know. Little facts I don't go out of my way to make public knowledge- not like I'm hiding them or anything, but just things that never seem to come up, perhaps? I don't know. Anyway... In the indeterminable future, I would like to run a marathon. Perhaps start with a half or something like that, but run a marathon. Or maybe even a freaking triathlon. I love swimming and biking, running is the hard part. So the running is the important part to defeat. I weigh on average about one hundred forty-seven pounds, as far as I know, the most I've ever weighed to date. I think flirtatious people in relationships are skeeeetchy. I think it's possible I think this because I've been a flirtatious person in a relationship and I know the thoughts that have crossed my mind when flirting while in that relationship. And yet, I find myself attracted to and simultaneously turned off by flirtatious people in relationships. Maybe it's the fun with no fear of commitment, but then there's that feeling of what kind of person would be in a relationship and flirt with someone else? Am I projecting fears about myself on other people? I'm currently listening to Death Cab's "Transatlanticism" album because it's my favorite of all of theirs- I listened to it on repeat junior year of high school. I obsessively do sudoku puzzles. I love mental math. I still sleep with my retainers in. For reasons undisclosed even to myself, I make it impossible to love me. I haven't worn a dress in over two weeks and this bothers me. I have yet to figure out where I completely one hundred percent fit in. Before my grandmother passed away, she gave me the Anne of Green Gables books and I still have yet to read them- but I should. They're sitting on my bookshelf in my room here, because they are special enough to have needed to travel with me the 1300 miles. I really like breakfast, but I rarely get up early enough to properly eat it- I miss first semester of college when Erin, Andy W, and I would get up early just to go eat breakfast together daily. I think being outside with a drink on a warm night with terrific company is one of my favorite things in the world. The older I get, the more I hate talking on the phone- I don't seem to be getting any better at it than I was at 7, though I tried and enjoyed it for several teen years.
This started as a blog about lies, but sort of turned into a blog of random facts... I am a scatter of strangeness. Take that and this for what you well. I am still in the process of "growing up", of figuring out who I am, who and what I want to be. So for now, I am a scatter of random facts, trying to figure out which pieces make up the significance of the future. One of the multitude of things that only time will tell...
X's and O's, Peace and Love.
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